Somehow, I must’ve been asleep for the better part of the last thirty years. I can remember when Miller’s department store was in downtown Knoxville and my mother stressed the importance of courtesy to my younger self. As we would wait for the elevator, my mother made sure that I knew to wait until the passengers had gotten out before I made my anxious, youthful entrance. It was the end of an era, I think. Perhaps it was a hold over from the “children should be seen and not heard” mentality of the ‘50s; but there is something “right” about it still.
These days I am overcome with the lack of thinking in America. Everyday a new situation or experience sheds light further down the dark hole that is the America that we now know. Would you like examples?
OK. Let’s see…
Now when I am riding in elevators, I am amazed that I can be riding along and get to my floor and before I can ever even blink - the persons waiting have already barged in and are ready to get going. They must think that I am riding just for the sheer hell of it. As though I have nowhere to go or nothing better to do.
OR
When I moved to Nashville and you wanted to get into traffic, there was always a wave given or received from each party involved in said merge. These days the wave is usually replaced by the “social” finger –despite ownership OR fault. I am constantly amazed at how many people out there on the highways seem to live in the delusion that they are semi-professional NASCAR drivers. I can just see them hoisting their fat bellies every morning into their 58” waist pants and exclaim “Goddamn! Eating pork rinds in the LazyBoy is fun and all; but today I’m gonna be just like that goddamned Dale Earnhart!!!”
They crowd the Tennessee highways more often than not these days and they continually make me wonder if we shouldn’t thin the herd a bit. I mean….really?
OR
Though I may be a long bearded, independent thinking feller living in a clean shaven, faceless, bland society; it does not mean that my facial hair impedes my hearing. There is not a week that goes by that someone stands directly in front of, beside, or behind me and muses about what kind of person I could be.
The best was my recent trip to Starbucks (I know…I bought into the corporate blandification that day. Hold it against me! I deserve it!). I was quietly dressing my coffee at the little creamer kiosk when I realized that the conversation beside me had taken a weird turn. I kept my head down, but my ears up. This is what I heard…
“Why, that’s almost as bad as that goddamn ZZ Top”, one gruff voice mused.
“I know it! How disgusting! I used to have a beard but I had the sense to keep it trimmed. Then my work made me shave and now I just have this.”, the second gruff voice chimed in.
At this point I looked up and saw two firemen sitting beside the creamer stand and looking right at me. I glared back at them unflinching and unapologetic. And can you believe that they kept on talking?
“I reckon he doesn’t have a job”, the first idiot said to his pal.
I left in disgust, shaking my head the entire way to the truck. Do I somehow look like Billy Gibbons’ deaf cousin? Is my beard obscuring what must be hearing aids?
I wonder about this often enough and then I talked to my equally hirsute friend, Elmer, about it and he tells me it happens to him. THEN…we were together just after this Starbucks experience and somebody stood beside us and muttered the same stuff, except this time they included Elmer (who must also be deaf) when they said:
“Check it out! The short one has a big beard too!”
Maybe short people are deaf too.
So…I digress. Back in Miller’s department store we learned the basics of many life lessons. Wait your turn, don’t stare or make fun of the handicapped, be courteous, and mind your manners at all times. I am beginning to believe that the hills, hollers, caves, and virtually every other place where people were brought up we deprived of a Miller’s department store or a mother or mind of any kind. I have to wonder aloud, “Where did we go wrong?”
These days I am overcome with the lack of thinking in America. Everyday a new situation or experience sheds light further down the dark hole that is the America that we now know. Would you like examples?
OK. Let’s see…
Now when I am riding in elevators, I am amazed that I can be riding along and get to my floor and before I can ever even blink - the persons waiting have already barged in and are ready to get going. They must think that I am riding just for the sheer hell of it. As though I have nowhere to go or nothing better to do.
OR
When I moved to Nashville and you wanted to get into traffic, there was always a wave given or received from each party involved in said merge. These days the wave is usually replaced by the “social” finger –despite ownership OR fault. I am constantly amazed at how many people out there on the highways seem to live in the delusion that they are semi-professional NASCAR drivers. I can just see them hoisting their fat bellies every morning into their 58” waist pants and exclaim “Goddamn! Eating pork rinds in the LazyBoy is fun and all; but today I’m gonna be just like that goddamned Dale Earnhart!!!”
They crowd the Tennessee highways more often than not these days and they continually make me wonder if we shouldn’t thin the herd a bit. I mean….really?
OR
Though I may be a long bearded, independent thinking feller living in a clean shaven, faceless, bland society; it does not mean that my facial hair impedes my hearing. There is not a week that goes by that someone stands directly in front of, beside, or behind me and muses about what kind of person I could be.
The best was my recent trip to Starbucks (I know…I bought into the corporate blandification that day. Hold it against me! I deserve it!). I was quietly dressing my coffee at the little creamer kiosk when I realized that the conversation beside me had taken a weird turn. I kept my head down, but my ears up. This is what I heard…
“Why, that’s almost as bad as that goddamn ZZ Top”, one gruff voice mused.
“I know it! How disgusting! I used to have a beard but I had the sense to keep it trimmed. Then my work made me shave and now I just have this.”, the second gruff voice chimed in.
At this point I looked up and saw two firemen sitting beside the creamer stand and looking right at me. I glared back at them unflinching and unapologetic. And can you believe that they kept on talking?
“I reckon he doesn’t have a job”, the first idiot said to his pal.
I left in disgust, shaking my head the entire way to the truck. Do I somehow look like Billy Gibbons’ deaf cousin? Is my beard obscuring what must be hearing aids?
I wonder about this often enough and then I talked to my equally hirsute friend, Elmer, about it and he tells me it happens to him. THEN…we were together just after this Starbucks experience and somebody stood beside us and muttered the same stuff, except this time they included Elmer (who must also be deaf) when they said:
“Check it out! The short one has a big beard too!”
Maybe short people are deaf too.
So…I digress. Back in Miller’s department store we learned the basics of many life lessons. Wait your turn, don’t stare or make fun of the handicapped, be courteous, and mind your manners at all times. I am beginning to believe that the hills, hollers, caves, and virtually every other place where people were brought up we deprived of a Miller’s department store or a mother or mind of any kind. I have to wonder aloud, “Where did we go wrong?”
***This blog post powered by: Minor Threat - "Out of Step"




